So, here goes my first post...=]

I've had 3 loved ones in my life diagnosed with cancer - 2 of them fought through it, 1, sadly passed away by the time they caught the fact that she had cancer. 

My grandmother on my mom's side had breast cancer 8-9 times and survived every time.  She was a fighter and I'm very proud of her for that.  She passed away a couple of years ago, not from cancer but from a pulmonary edema - she passed away from an air bubble in the brain.  She beat off cancer - she never let it win.  And she never let anyone else see her struggle - I think I've learned that from her...the good thing about having this site is that you can build up a support network.  My Nana didn't have that opportunity.

My grandmother on my dad's side also had Ovarian cancer.  She was the one that they didn't catch in time.  From everything that I've researched it's one of the harder cancers to diagnose anyway.  She was not as much of a fighter as my Nana, but I was still proud of what she did.  She kept going to different doctor's and even though they didn't catch it in time, she continued pushing to find out the truth.

My Uncle, the cancer survivor, had skin cancer that matastisized into his lungs.  They didn't catch the skin cancer until it was already in his lungs.  As he went through chemotherapy, I saw a shell of my uncle...I saw my uncle disappear.  He has been a survivor for 10-11 years and ever since his surgery to remove parts of his lungs, he has been the same uncle that I knew and loved.  Except slightly less floatable...=]

So, that's my story.  I've known fighters my whole life...that's what I think they all were.  I rather like thinking that maybe I inherited my fighting spirit from them...=] 

Last year was the first year I ever did anything really major for anyone else but myself... yea I volunteered here and there but to be honest I really didn't think what I was doing was worth anything. Last year I walked in the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer 3-Day here in San Francisco. 

The 3-Day event was a breath taking event. Over two thousand people walked for a single cause...to end breast cancer. 

The camp had a sea of pink tents that sprang up over night with the help of 300 dedicated volunteers.  There was a main tent that could seat all 2,000 people for a single meal and a army of cooks that cooked fresh hot meals onsite. I walked the event by myself and I made a lot of friends along the way. 

One friend that I met along the way said that he was walking for his sister who was also walking the event. She had just finished chemo treatment and would be joining him the next day. I asked him if he and his sister were close and he said they were now... but before his sister was diagnosed with breast cancer they were as distant as far as the sun is from the earth.

I asked him what caused him and his sister to reconnect and he said her diagnoses of breast cancer. Both of their parents had passed away and he was the only family she had left. He told me at first he did not know what to do… or think. It took awhile for the news to sink in… but when he understood what he had to do he told her to come to see him and he would help her all he could.

She underwent surgery to remove both breasts and then chemo and radiation to make sure all of the tumors were gone from her body. He told me that during all of her treatments he was there by her side never leaving for anything. He took time off from work to be with her.. and he told me that was the best thing he could have done.

During their time together he told me they talked about times they spent with their family growing up, funny times, and sad times…but they were all times they shared together and he would have not traded anything in the world for the time they spent together.

I later met his sister on the last in the last mile of the walk. She was in a wheel chair at the side of the road cheering her brother on to complete the walk. As I looked over her I noticed all of her hair was gone. To me she looked in pain…unbearable pain but when her brother showed up.. her face lit up like a candle.

I still see this event clear as day in my mind. I would encourage anyone how has lost contact with a loved one, friend, or family member to regain contact with them before it is to late…before untimely events bring you back together again for the wrong reasons… reasons that are beyond your control. 

 

 

I had the honor of attending a memorial service for a young woman I had come to know through my work with our cancer support group. I had exchanged email with her but I only had a chance to meet her once. We spent a wonderful summer afternoon with a couple of other friends and I was enchanted by her zest for life.

She was resigned tot he fact that she would eventually lose her battle with cancer, yet instead of focusing on that she focused on life and how she was going to live what time she had left. Now this young woman had the financial resources to pretty much go wherever she wanted and do whatever she wanted. And I am sure that many of us given the same circumstances would have followed the path as portrayed in the movie "The Bucket List", trying to mark off all those exotic "to-do" items on life's list. She followed a different path. She spent her time with her family, developing meaningful memories. I recall her spending afternoons working on a pet project she called "Lunchbox Notes of Life". She purchased several old metal lunchboxes (some of us are old enough to remember actually using them). Inside she placed some personal mementos and notes for her daughters.

As part of the eulogy delivered by her minister, he said that her chief concern was that she wouldn't be around to share in the big moments of life; weddings, births, graduations, etc. Yet I never recalled a bitter word from her mouth. Instead she embraced her faith and ran with it. She shared a story that was pretty amazing.

As part of the mementos she wanted to place in the "Lunchbox" she was looking for a 1988 penny. She wanted this to be a gift to her daughter, who was born in 1988,  so that she could slip it in her shoe on her wedding day. Knowing her time was short she just couldn't seem to remember to look for the penny when she had the time. Until one day when she was walking along and noticed a penny. She picked it up and yes guessed it, the date was 1988. She placed it in her pocket. The next day she found it was she was preparing to do laundry and set it aside. The next morning she went to retrieve the penny only to be totally surprised to find a second 1988 penny. No one knows where it came from but she felt it was a message, for you see she had twin daughters, so now each had their own penny. This woman was totally convinced this was a "God Wink" , a personal message that we are on the right path and doing the right thing.

In the years that I have worked with cancer patients I have learned that faith can be an incredible ally as part of the treatment plan. I can say with certainty that my single encounter with this woman opened my eyes to many things. But what she taught me most was that sometimes the simplest things in life can have a profound impact on others that we might not even realize. Whenever I receive change the first thing I look for is a 1988 penny. And on the occassion that I find one I smile and immediately feel she's with me.

I am sorry that I haven't blogged in a while. For some reason I feel guilty that I haven't because I love this site so MUCH and believe in its mission! The fact is that I got a new job and I have been trying to learn the whole work / life balance.

 My new job is in health care and I find it interesting as I am learning what people face everyday dealing with diabetes and other chronic illnesses.

 I received a tour of a hospital the other day and while I was on the tour I asked them where would someone go to find support resources and services for any illness.. the guide replied "I Dunno..." . This echoed the need for a service like A Single Light!!!!!

Than while I was exploring the hospital myself I found a health library and asked them a simple question..."Where can I find a wig for a cancer patient?" The fact is the health library knew of one or two resources in the area where I could find wigs however that was it. So then I showed them this website.... typed in wig into the search engine and I came up with over 50 organizations that offered wigs to children and adults.

As I continue my learning in health care I see there is a need the A Single Light website for any illness! I look forward to the day this site totally takes off.

So please help and do your part...pass long word about ASL to the people you know, organizations, and to hospitals.

You've just been told by the doctor that you have cancer. What's you first reaction? Do you call your family and tell them? Chances are you won't. Instead you probably react like many people and decide you need some time to take in all this information and decide on the best way to "break the news to family".

 This is especially true for women since they (in many cultures) are viewed as the emotional caregivers. They seem to experience a conflict between sharing this news so that they can avoid the resentment of holding back and the risk they perceive of inflicting anxiety upon those they love.

Men seem to hold back but do they take such action for the same reason as women? Or do they use this as something to hide behind so that they don't have to face the real emotions that accompany such news.

I attended a support group meeting this week and listened as a young member shared that her father wouldn't talk at all about his cancer. She said that he opted to forgo chemotherapy because he watched as another loved one wasted away from the side effects and he didn't want his family to remember him that way.

Denial can be a strong emotion to overcome. At a recent seminar I was asked how denial impacts the cancer patient. My personal observations have shown that those in denial are never able to move forward - they are stuck in the past. While denial can be an effective coping mechanism for the short term, using it as a long term solution is more destructive than helpful.

Our need to protect the ones we love might actually be hurting them more than we know. Refusing to allow loved ones to share their fears and concerns isn't fair to them. And for those terminally ill and facing certain death it is especially cruel to shutout those that need to be close.  For the effects will last long after the funeral service.

So the next time you think you are doing the right thing by "protecting" your loved ones you might want to reconsider your stance - a broken heart may linger forever.

Life has an interesting way of reminding us we are human. This week has been filled with such happiness and then all the sudden WACK right up side the head. 

So I started a new job on Monday and I must say I LOVE IT! Pays well.. full benefits, and my co-workers are outstanding... but I still feel as if something is missing from my life.  I broke up with my ex about four and a half months ago and I miss having someone to celebrate the good times with. You know that person to call late at night when yo can't sleep or when everything is JUST GOING Right.. or everything in between.  I miss that! Yea I told my parents, brothers, and friends but it isn't the same. I shared a a year and a half with her... and she knew me...and I knew her...but I didn't take the time to understand what that fully meant. 

I guess I just miss having someone close.. .and then my friend since preschool isn't talking to me... I thought friends where supposed to tell you what is wrong.. and be able to come to you and talk about it.. but I guess not. I mean really.. what is a friend if they are unable to do this very fact. This happened once before... but not any more.

LOL really.. I sound like a preteen girl who has nothing but realtionship issues... I am sorry. well its off to bed... wishing I had that one person to celebrate with.